Archive for January, 2010
Here are some excerpts from an interview with Osho, about the difference between “normal” sex and tantric sex.
“Your sex act and the tantric sex act are basically different. Your sex act is to relieve; it is just like sneezing out a good sneeze. The energy is thrown out and you are unburdened. It is destructive, it is not creative. It is good — therapeutic. It helps you to be relaxed, but nothing more. The tantric sex act is basically, diametrically opposite and different. It is not to relieve, it is not to throw energy out. It is to remain in the act without ejaculation, without throwing energy out; to remain in the act merged — just at the beginning part of the act, not the end part.”
Notice how a lot of people just roll over and fall asleep after lovemaking? Tantric sex has an opposite effect. Energy actually rises after sex. For one thing, a lot of tantric practitioners stress the importance of cultivating sexual energy for days, weeks and months, while some believe orgasm should be avoided at all costs.
To me, the difference between “normal” sex and tantric sex can be illustrated as eating a burger at a fast food joint where the meat is frozen and microwaved, as opposed to eating at a classy restaurant, where the meat is fresh. One will keep you going for a couple of hours, the latter will provide you with energy and nutrients that will sustain you for days…
“One tantric sex experience, and even for days you will feel relaxed — at ease, at home, non-violent, non-angry, non-depressed. And this type of person is never a danger to others. If he can, he will help others to be happy. If he cannot, at least he will not make anyone unhappy. Only tantra can create a new man, and this man who can know timelessness, egolessness and deep non-duality with existence will grow.”
To begin with, I believe that the quality, not quantity of sex in a relationship is the foundation with which you build a strong and loving bond. While sex only represents a small percentage of any loving relationship, it’s still an important component. After all, sexual energy when raised can nourish the heart and the spirit, thus strengthening the bond between lovers.
There’s a common belief that sexual desire declines the longer you are with someone. You are told to “enjoy it while it lasts”. What a ridiculous statement! How can you possibly get worse at anything, with more practice? That’s like starting off a Beethoven on the piano and ending up playing chopsticks!My guess would be that you might be doing it all wrong to begin with. Someone mentioned to me in one of my posts that a decline in sexual desire might be a calling for something that doesn’t just satisfy our animal natures, but includes our spirit. I couldn’t agree more.
If you’re into a more hands-on approach and would like to delve deeply into a world of tantric ecstasy, White Tiger Tantra will teach you the essential skills you need to acquire in order to reach new heights of sensual and sexual pleasure.
In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a couple of free tantric techniques that can assist in reawakening dormant sexual desire and help lovers reconnect on more deeply, more lovingly.
White Tiger Tantra Heart Meditation: To raise sexual energy. Nourishes the body, heart and mind.
Tantric-Soul-Gazing Develops deeper, more intimate relationships, connecting you within your partner, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul.
I recently wrote a post that might have made some people uncomfortable, namely women. Unfortunately, the Coolidge Effect has been observed in most male species, including human beings. So does it mean, women should expect their men to cheat?
Depends on how you look at it.
First of all, I believe that if a man is completely honest with his partner, about his desire to have multiple partners, who are we, to call that cheating? To me, a cheater is someone who breaks the trust in a relationship, by being dishonest. That is, someone who sneaks around behind my back.
Second, if most men are naturally wired to be polygamous, then it means monogamy has been enforced on them through social constraints. However, you can only restrain a person for so long, before someone gets annoyed and pulls the plug on the relationship.
Third, someone mentioned to me that if polygamy is wired in men, then so is jealousy. I disagree. Jealousy is Fear-Based Emotion, and I believe that we are only born with 2 major fears.
- The fear of falling
- The fear of LOUD NOISES!!!
The rest is learned through social conditioning. That’s just my opinion.
Finally, most of you ladies out there don’t really have to worry about your partner cheating on you. The majority of men and women in the Western world, practice something called serial monogamy, which “is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan” (wiki).
So maybe repeating “till death do us part” is the real issue here…
Jealousy is a bitch. We’ve all felt its grip at times. Maybe it gnawed at us quietly in the middle of the night, while our partner snored contentedly next to us. Maybe we flew into a jealous rage that was broadcast for miles around.
One way or another, most of us have felt the emotions associated with feelings of jealousy and they weren’t pleasant.
My understanding is that jealousy teaches us to face the fact that life is unpredictable and change is inevitable. In my hypnotherapy practice, I’ve discovered that the fear of change even surpasses the fear of death in many people.
Like fish swimming against the current, they would rather cling to the illusion of safety and security, than accept change, in a world in constant flux.
When people feel jealous, they often try to put barriers and restrictions on whoever or whatever it is that is causing them to feel that pain. You may be sitting at home, stewing in your own juices, while imagining your romantic partner sharing a passionate embrace with someone else. When he/she comes home, you are ready to leap at them with fiery accusations of infidelity, which may inevitably drive them into the arms of another.
If you are in a monogamous relationship and you have a foundation of trust with your partner, rather than imagining him or her with someone else, start to see, in your mind’s eye, your partner spending time with you, in the most wonderful ways. That way, you build positive feelings that draw your partner to you, rather than repel him or her.
If you practice some form of polyamory, this is a different story. Jealousy can be very rampant in these types of relationships. However, I believe that every negative emotion has an equally positive component to it. There is a part of jealousy that can also create intense sexual arousal that naturally occurs when we imagine our partner making love, even if it’s with someone else. The sexual energy and passion that is generated by feelings of jealousy can be very intense. By cultivating sexual energy through our body, as taught in many tantric practices, we can learn to gain control of it when things get a little too hot.
Finally, no matter what kind of relationship we are in, it wouldn’t hurt to cultivate more feelings of compersion, “empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest.”
If I could describe the above photo in one word, it would be SIGHHH….If you’re in a relationship and this looks familiar, then this article is for you..brace yourselves…
The Coolidge Effect describes a phenomenon, seen in nearly every species in which it has been tested, whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive partners.
In an article in Psychology Today called “What if she were always in the mood?” studies were conducted with primates paired with females who were injected daily with a dose of hormones to get them sexually aroused showed, “the males copulated less and less frequently and with declining enthusiasm, over a three-and-a-half-year period. Not only that, when novel females showed up, these slackers hurriedly rolled into action with their original zest.” (Psychology Today, 2009)
Sadly, maybe our worries about not being as sexually desirable to our partner over the years may be justified. However, there are a couple of suggestions and lessons that can be learned from this.
First, the article suggests not to engage in too frequent sexual contact. You risk becoming satiated too quickly. Think about it. If you ate at the same restaurant every single day, after a while, wouldn’t you need a break to get you salivating again?
Second, sexual variety can be beneficial. Just think, if the majority of mammals aren’t monogamous, then maybe humans aren’t either? It’s my belief that humans, men in particular, aren’t wired to be monogamous. Monogamy is a social constraint that many people adhere to till the bitter end, or until someone decides to sign the divorce papers. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve known couples who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries too and were as happy as can be. There are exceptions.
Third, if you get in a tizzy about the idea that “sharing is caring”, you have some other options. My suggestion is that you learn a form of tantra. Tantric sex can be powerful in helping boost sexual energy between partners. Tantric techniques such as, White Tiger Tantra Heart Meditation can increase sexual energy and desire, while Tantric Soul-Gazing can be practiced to reawaken attraction.
In the end, we can always try to tame our animal nature or learn to accept it and make the best of it. One thing I know is that in any relationship, no matter how long I’ve been with someone, nothing to me is sexier than complete and total honesty.
Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about sexual freedom and the desire to be sexually free. I often wondered, what that really means. To some it means being free and unabashed to express their sexuality with multiple partners. Others think it simply means having better orgasms.
My take on it is that sexual freedom is a state of being, an energy that we carry inside ourselves that is limitless. Sexual freedom is being unbound by any internal restrictions that stifle our sexual energy from flowing freely through us.
Unrestricted sexual energy flows freely through our bodies, like water pouring out of a hose. But bend it slightly and the current barely trickles out the other end. So when we speak of sexual freedom, could it be that we are simply seeking ways to release the internal resistances, that prevent us from experiencing states of ecstasy and bliss?
Before seeking alternatives like learning to cleanse their chakras and cultivating sexual energy, a lot of people first choose to rebel against any societal system that could suppress their sexual expression, by becoming highly sexually promiscuous. Unfortunately, they often end up satisfying only their lower energy centers, which leave them feeling depleted and/or in an insatiable state of longing.
On the flip side, some people become excessively sexually repressed and allow few outlets for their sexual energy. They may acquire a rigidity and resistance towards sex, instilled by a society still polluted with puritanical ways of thinking Yet, underneath the layers of guilt is a fiery sexual desire, that no matter how hard they try to battle against, cannot be extinguished.
The only thing left to do in my opinion is to start by purifying our energy centers and practice tantra or other techniques, to cultivate our sexual energy, so that it becomes a source of nourishment for our hearts and souls. Only then are we free to call ourselves sexually free…
Most people believe that intimacy is something that takes time to develop, but what if I told you there is a technique that will allow you to connect heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul with another, in a matter of seconds? It’s called Soul-Gazing and if you haven’t heard of this before, let me explain.
The are many Soul-Gazing rituals in tantra that allow a person to interact with another on a very deep level. It is a non-verbal form of communication which allows two people to become so deeply in tune with each other, the separation between self and the other dissolves for a moment in time.
Many people shy away from looking for a long period of time into another person’s eyes, because we may be afraid that the someone might see something in us that they don’t like. After all, our eyes reveal a lot about our hidden emotions, desires, fears etc. So if you are soul-gazing and suddenly you feel some emotions rising inside of you, just become a neutral observer of them and they will eventually pass. Getting past our fears of being exposed and vulnerable is a the first step to opening ourselves to a higher way of connecting with other human beings. I suggest you practice with someone that you have some level of trust for, until you get used to the process.
In many Celtic Traditions, it is believed that the eyes are the “gateways to the soul”, allowing us to connect with our Anam Kara or friend of the soul.
The first thing you need to do is find a partner willing to practice with you. This can literally be anyone you see fit to open yourself up to. Remember that you can just as readily disconnect after Soul-Gazing, so that you run your own energy and not someone else’s.
How To Soul-Gaze:
- Find a quiet place where you and your partner will be undisturbed. Then, stand across from your partner and place your right hand on top of his/her left hand, while your left hand should be placed underneath his/her right hand. Imagine that you are a mirror image of each other.
- Begin to pace each others’ breath and as you do this, slowly allow your connected hands to gently rise on the inhale and descend on the exhale. Continue breathing in this manner throughout the exercise.
- With your left eye, gently look into your partner’s left eye (from his/her perspective). Gaze at your partner softly and take your time, because this isn’t a staring contest. Make sure that you blink naturally.
- Use your right eye to see peripherally. This will open up your second sight (3 or 4 points of attention) and give you a greater depth of perception. You may begin to feel a sensation building within you as you connect with your partner. Simply honor it and focus your mind on filling him/her with white light or unconditional love.
- Now, test out the connection you have established. To do this, gently lean back at the same time as your partner and notice how the connection is broken. Then notice how the chords between you are reattached once you lean back in.
- To end your soul-gazing session, disconnect your hands and close your eyes. Then, place your right hand on your heart and left hand on top. As you inhale focus on your navel and as you exhale, focus on the top of your head (crown chakra), for a total of 4 breaths. As you exhale on your fourth breath, slowly open your eyes.
- Make sure you thank your partner for sharing in the experience with you.
As you soul-gaze you may notice a number of things going on. Many people first notice their partner’s face begin to morph. Sometimes a younger or older face begins to surface, which depending your beliefs might be indicative of past lives. Other times, people see colors of the aura or the face of an animal, which many indigenous cultures believe to be our animal guides.
But, regardless of your spiritual beliefs, Soul-Gazing will help you connect first with yourself, and with a partner. After all, what is intimacy about, if not about its root meaning in relating to one in another?
For those who are interested in reading a fantastic book on the chakras, I highly recommend Keith Sherwood’s Chakra Therapy: For Personal Growth & Healing.
It’s a very practical and straightforward book to read for people who want to learn about chakra cleansing, auras and kundalini. He also shares simple step-by-step instructions on how to clear the chakras and other meditations, as a form of healing of energetic blockages and emotional wounds.
I’ve read a lot of books on chakras and I find Keith Sherwood’s Chakra Therapy single-handedly one of the simplest and in depth books about chakras that I’ve ever come across.
This book was actually an inspiration for me to begin to explore subtle energy when I had no prior knowledge of it.