Archive for Awareness
Well, it’s been a while since I wrote my last post. I won’t make excuses about being busy and what not. Nobody really cares! Lol!
I think I started this blog as something that I hoped would HELP PEOPLE, but then I realized there was no need to write posts in a way that would reach other people, but rather it was more important to write about things that INSPIRE ME. And through my INSPIRATION, those who would find my information valuable would naturally be attracted to me.
So, if you are visiting my blog and you want to sift through what rings true for you, be my guest. And if you want to leave comments about stuff I wrote years or even months ago, which may or may not be where I’m at right now, but it’s where you are, feel free too. Sometimes I amaze myself how quickly I can make changes in my life and how quickly my change is reflected back to me in the experiences I attract…:)
It’s funny, but when I read some of the stuff I wrote before I have the urge to delete it, but then I think…that WAS me and I’m constantly evolving. But it’s so nice to be reminded of where I’ve been, how it has brought me to where I am now and where I’m going…
I’m looking forward to my future. I’m looking forward to change, now…whereas before I shied away from it. I’m looking forward to making a big change in my career. For those of you who don’t know, I’m going to be an RN and have been doing a lot of studying lately to get to where I want to be. I’ve put this blog on hold for a while, but it’s nice to come around sometimes to say hello.
So hello everyone and you’ll hear from me soon…when I get that inspiration flowing.
P.S. I found INSPIRATION in this Abraham Hicks video. Enjoy!
One day, a man sought the advice of a wise sage. “What is the matter?”, asked the sage. “Please help me.” said the man. “I can’t seem to stop looking at beautiful women! Whenever I see a beautiful woman, I can’t help admiring them and it upsets my wife when she ‘catches’ me. How can I stop this behavior so I don’t hurt her feelings?” The sage thought for a moment and replied,
“Do you want to be able to train your eyes in a way that allows you to catch glimpses of beautiful women, without your wife noticing?”
“No, I guess not. That would be absurd”, chuckled the man.
“When you see a a beautiful flower, do you feel bad admiring it in front of your wife?”
“No. Of course not”, said the man.
“Then you know, it can uplift the both of you!” said the sage.“Admire beautiful women freely and joyfully wherever you go. And if you’re wife doesn’t like it, feel good anyway, because that just means she has her own work to do.”
I think most women have encountered some form of jealousy or envy in their lives, with friends or lovers. In situations like this one, it could go two ways. I could tell myself, “I’m not pretty enough. He doesn’t desire me anymore. I’m going to just sit her and sulk until he feels bad enough and stops that behavior. Only then will i feel better.”
Or I could deliberately choose better feeling thoughts. “That woman is beautiful. I can see how he would find her attractive. I find her attractive too. His desire for her does not compromise his desire for me. I’m attractive too. My husband loves variety. It feels good to me seeing my husband light up. It must feel as good to her being admired by my husband, as it does to me, when he admires me. I remember the times he looked at me, the way he’s looking at her” etc.
And that’s what taking relationship responsibility means to me.
Let me illustrate this another way.
I was raised to believe that children must honor and respect their parents. I’ve always had a hard time with “shoulds”. They feel restrictive and to me, they come from a sense of “obligation” rather than inspiration. So, how can you “honor” and “respect” someone when what they are expressing to you is a lack of “self-respect”? After all, if a person knows their true value, they would never feel the need to ask anyone else to justify it for them.
This woman didn’t know her own value, nor did she understand that it wasn’t her husband’s responsibility to make her feel good about herself. In the same way, her husband didn’t understand that sacrificing his own pleasure meant that he was holding himself responsible for his wife’s happiness. But how can a person teach another about happiness, if they themselves aren’t an example of it?
The trouble with many relationships arises when one or both parties try to appease the other, rather then teach them about empowering themselves. This dynamic happens in all kinds of relationships, whether it is intimate, parent-child, employee-boss, friends etc. Somewhere, someone is leaning into someone else for support. But relationships are fickle and when one person decides to step out of the way, we run the risk of tumbling over and then we will be crying out to others to pick us up and kiss our bruises. As children, we learned this. As adults, it’s about time we dusted ourselves off, stood on our own two feet and took responsibility for our own well-being.
And that just means we have to first learn to let go of trying to control another person’s actions, thoughts and emotions. Let go of trying to mold and shape ourselves into the vision of another, if it wasn’t our vision to begin with. Let go of seeking approval from others. Let go of placating others into well-being. Take care of our own well-being, by focusing on thoughts that bring us more joy. But most importantly, we could remind ourselves that every situation, no matter how hopeless can give us the opportunity to find our bliss.
“When you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.”- Joseph Campbell
While Seisetsu was the master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters, since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded. Umezu Seibei, a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred pieces of gold called ryo toward the construction of a more commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher.
Seisetsu said: “All right. I will take it.”
Umezu gave Seisetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied with the attitude of the teacher. One might live a whole year on three ryo, and the merchant had not even been thanked for five hundred.
“In that sack are five hundred ryo,” hinted Umezu.
“You told me that before,” replied Seisetsu.
“Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred ryo is a lot of money,” said Umezu.
“Do you want me to thank you for it?” asked Seisetsu.
“You ought to,” replied Uzemu.
Why should I?” inquired Seisetsu. “The giver should be thankful.”
It was a dark and stormy day today. A perfect day if you’re feeling in the mood for a minor depressive episode, like the one I encountered when I overheard a colleague of mine mumbling somberly for all ears to hear, ” If I were at the edge of a bridge today, I just might…”
“JUMP?!” I joyfully exclaimed. He looked up at me with sad, but curious eyes. I knew it would take a little shock and humor to pull him out of the hole he was in the midst of digging for himself.
I continued gleefully, “Tell me when and where! I’ll meet you there and give you a PUSH, in case you decide to hesitate!!”
The others looked at me with a mix of horror and awe, which was sort of what I was going for. It certainly shattered the gloominess in the air, momentarily. A smile was beginning to form at the corner of Mr. Suicidal’s lips. His eyes grew brighter as he looked at me questioningly.
Now, that I had his attention, I had to make sure to keep him fixated for atleast a few minutes, whilst i did my magic.
“What you need, is a good strong cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate”. I reached over, handing him a piece of my Caramilk bar. This only made him shrug his shoulders and sigh. He was sinking again. “Ok ok, how about some nice chicken soup? Like grandma made?” Nope, he wasn’t going for that either.
“Nevermind then…What you need is a tall blond bombshell with a big rack to make it for you!”
His pupils began to dilate. The excitement was oozing from him like a school boy who had just stumbled upon a dirty magazine for the very first time.“Like Cheryl Ladd?”, he asked hesitatingly and with an undertone of naughtiness.
“Sure! like Cheryl Ladd…” I replied approvingly, wondering about this mystery woman, capable of sparking such a thrilling display of fireworks, in a lonely and brooding middle-aged man. A movie star from the 70s…Before my time.
It didn’t matter. His mood was lifted and my job was done. There was a lightness and electricity in the room that drew others in like moths to a flame. It made him all the more alive and animated. Life became worth living again…
That is, as long as he had a voluptuous blond around to cook him chicken soup, even if she only existed in his mind…
Do you ever notice how people who don’t have a clear direction and purpose in life latch on for dear life to those who do? Albert Einstein says, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
There is a friend of mine, who literally starts leaning into me when we are walking side-by-side. To avoid falling over, I have to speed up my pace and lead the way. She is totally unconscious of this behavior and what it tells me is that she ties herself to people, not her goals. In fact, the other day I did a little experiment. We made plans to go out to eat at a local restaurant, a few blocks away from our place of work. Knowing perfectly well that she could have easily made it on her own, I decided that I would give her the opportunity to lead the way. As we strolled along side each other, we engaged in conversation, but I did however notice that she was taking us in the opposite direction, farther and farther away from our destination. We ended up walking around in circles, until it dawned on her that she had lost her way.
And now, take this scenario and apply it to intimate relationships. Two people’s eyes meet. They are filled with a fuzzy warm feeling inside. They haven’t even negotiated the boundaries and direction of the relationship. Yet, what keeps them together is the tireless pursuit of recreating that initial positive experience. Their lover triggers a chemical response in them that temporarily fulfills an emotional need. It’s kind of like the relationship that a junkie has to heroine. The initial high is always the best and from that point on, their entire lives become centered on reliving that primary experience. So many relationships are founded on this addiction mentality. There is no movement, no growth. There are no goals and the stagnant waters of love grow polluted over time. It is like waltzing on one spot, until even that slows to a halt and the only thing left to do is separate.
Suppose your partner does have a goal that he/she wants to explore polyamorous relationships. Suppose you’re not sure of what you want. You accept his/her decision to be with other partners, but you’re not convinced this is the life for you. Yet, you choose to passively follow along, because “He who holds the strongest frame, controls that environment”, says Steve P (White Tiger Tantra). In other words, the one who’s goal is set, leads the way, if the other chooses to follow. If that person has become a source to feed your emotional addictions you may go wherever they go, no matter where they take you. As long as they can trigger that warm and fuzzy feeling inside you once in a while. This to me is called emotional and spiritual starvation. It’s someone who chooses to live off crumbs, because they are too incompetent or lazy to turn their attention away from what is happening on the “outside” and start digging for the nourishing abundance, that lies within.
There are many people who settle for what doesn’t make them happy, because they lack a sense of abundance in their lives. You might think, well if I had more money, success and love, I would feel abundant. And that’s where you’re wrong. It’s the other way around. You will have more money, success and love, IF and only IF you feel abundant. So, how does one go about feeling abundant, especially within the boundaries of a relationship? First, I believe it requires that you break the emotional addiction behavior that causes you to constantly “extract happiness” from the other person. It means, working on yourself, by purifying and grounding your energies. I talk about grounding energies in the Tantric Energy Balancing Exercise, because when we are not anchored within ourselves, through our root chakra, we are like free-floating bubbles, vulnerable to being popped with the lightest of pressure. When our root chakra is balanced, we are centered, grounded, energetic, but most importantly, we can manifest a sense of abundance.
Abundance is an energy that I’ve discovered can be generated through the power of imagination. If you have the energy of a slug in a puddle, you can use sexual energy, as described in the White Tiger Tantra Heart Meditation, to charge up and launch a new wave of thought patterns. You may start by visualizing or imagining all the things that you are grateful for in your life, until you create a feeling. The feeling of abundance. It may be almost imperceptible at first and that is because you’ve trained yourself for so long to feel bad, that you body and your emotions are pretty much now on auto-pilot. So breaking the habit of negativity may seem like it’s a tedious task, but hey isn’t it better than always depending on the outside world to provide your emotional needs for you? To me, that’s being a slave to circumstances, because at any moment in time, your source of emotional satisfaction can be taken away from you and then what are you left with?Actually, you are left with everything. You just don’t recognize it yet.
If you are having a hard time generating the “feeling” of abundance. A quick route would be to practice mantras. Mantras are energy-based sounds that stimulate the chakras of our bodies. In Hindu philosophy, the names of deities can also be called upon and each one has a different role. Lakshmi, is the Goddess of wealth and abundance, both material and spiritual. The word ‘Lakshmi’ comes from the Sanskrit word Laksme, which means “goal.” Lakshmi, therefore, represents the goal of life, which includes material and spiritual abundance. Her mantra is “Om Maha Lakshmiyei Swaha”. She is also represented by the seed mantra “Shreem”, which by repeating it can give you a better ability to manifest reality. So choose your thoughts carefully. And know that you have successfully created abundance, when you feel you have so much, with so little.
When you hear the word “surrender”, what’s the first thought that pops into your mind? With the Western mentality that you need to plow your way through life, like a bull in a China Shop, it’s understandable that the thought of surrender might be associated with weakness, helplessness, hopelessness, subservience etc.
The Buddha said that our greatest source of suffering is our resistance to what is. What is, is. You’re stuck in traffic and you resist it. While the outside conditions don’t suit you, you internalize them so that the chaos on the outside matches what is on the inside. Your blood pressure begins to rise. You are worried about being late for work, the look your boss might give you, etc.
You resist what is, as though the resistance in and of itself will change the situation in which you find yourself. I say, the opposite is likely happen. Do you ever notice how one negative experience often precipitates a series of them? That’s because we attract energies that resonate with our own. If you’re angry, you will attract angry people. When you are filled with love, you will draw to you loving people. It’s that simple. There’s only one problem that people run into when faced with this concept. It is their inability to change states quickly and effectively.
So how does one go about changing states? There are many techniques that can literally at the drop of the hat take you from explosive rage to a deep inner calm. I’ll share some with you at a later time. In the meantime, it’s important to first learn to let go of our resistance to whatever we associate as negative experiences, by learning to surrender to the moment. There is a deep sense of peace that can fill you when you quit “trying” so hard to change the outside world or even “trying” so hard to change yourself. When we resist, we inadvertently block the flow of energy through our chakras, causing imbalances and disease of the body, mind and spirit.
One method you can practice to achieve a state of surrender is to silently repeat to yourself, “nothing can be done by me, right now”. Then notice the pressure and your psychodramas dissolve within you, as you surrender to what is happening on the inside or outside. Understand that I’m not saying that nothing can EVER be done by you. I’m not suggesting the idea that vegetating in a catatonic state is the ultimate act of surrender. What I’m saying is surrender is a state where you are neither plagued by a thought of the future, nor a thought of the past. You are in the present moment and you can accept whatever is happening, without connecting it to any past experiences. Instead of saying “why does this always happen to me?” you’ll know you’ve surrendered when you can say in a state of total acceptance, “this is happening to me”.
Finding one’s purpose in life can be very difficult. I myself have to admit that I’ve wrestled with this concept so densely at times, that I found myself developing nihilistic habits. Basically, thinking that my life has no purpose. That I should just let the current carry me. It’s kind of like sailing without a map or navigation system, but wishing and hoping that you’ll end up somewhere nice, like an island paradise.
There’s a saying, “wishes and hopes are goals without energy behind them.” You’re basically spending your time in a deep day dream, hoping that eventually something will manifest and that you might find your true calling. Your purpose in life. Sometimes we do manifest the things we dream about, but most of the time, you actually have to do something to make something happen. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but setting small goals for yourself throughout the day and accomplishing them, works wonders in building up your confidence in yourself.
We often make excuses for ourselves, why we should or shouldn’t do something and by not following through with what we set forth, we strengthen our ego and weaken our will. For example, something so simple as taking out the trash. You think “I’m too tired, feeling lazy, I’ll do it tomorrow”, etc. Ultimately, you’re better off doing what you said you were going to do initially than train yourself to make excuses every time the conditions don’t suit you. It’s kind of like, if you can’t resolve to do the small and seemingly unimportant tasks, how will you ever be able to tackle anything of greater importance like starting up a business, improving a relationship or finding a new job?
I believe that to find your true purpose in life, you need to first learn to live with purpose. What does that mean? Basically, it means that rather than looking at what your highest purpose in life is, which is fine if you know what it is, you set up mini-purposes up throughout the day. It’s kind of like setting up an intention. For example, you are reading a self-help book about relationships. So instead of skimming the pages glassy-eyed, prior to picking up the book, set up a few reasons why you intended to read the book. What do you want to get out of it? Several times a day, I ask myself the question…
For what higher/greater purpose am I…?
Reading this book
Talking or listening to this person
Working on this project
Writing this post
It’s amazing the answers I come up with. I’ll be reading a book and suddenly something will pop up at me on the page which has some kind of special meaning to me.
When talking to people, you begin to hear things in new ways. They will tell you something seemingly random and suddenly a light bulb goes off in your mind. And there is the answer to a question you had or the solution to a problem. The whole world becomes your oracle when you resolve to step out of the mundane and ask yourself questions of a higher order. Then, life becomes a sacred experience. A life with purpose.
We all know how suggestible children are as they are growing up. They are influenced by their parents, teachers, peers etc. “You write your description of values on their souls, which are like wet clay, so that what you write becomes a permanent part of the way they see the world and relate to life”, says Brian Tracy, author of The Power Of Self-Discipline.
If you grew up in a highly religious family or you’re like me whose parents had very rigid and “moral” ideas about the world that basically equate with puritanism, it might have been very difficult to break free from the mold. Many feel incapable of dealing with the world and through self-imposed boundaries, they may choose to isolate themselves to a social circle which reinforces familiarity, rather than venture out into the unknown.
It reminds me of a story I heard about how farmers use electric fences to keep their horses from running free. These electric fences are made with a tiny strand of wire enough to give an animal a jolt, but not hurt it. However, after a few startling zaps, the horses quickly learn where they can or cannot roam. They learn so well, in fact, that the farmer can shut off the electricity and even replace the wire with string, knowing that the horses will remain put.
So are invisible boundaries stopping you from extending yourself above and beyond what you are capable of, because you are afraid that by breaking free from the mold, you will not know where to go? Lots of people face that problem. They would rather stay where it is safe and cozy and they know what to expect, than face the unknown. Going beyond what you are capable of, takes that initial step and the courage to the leap over the fence so to speak. And once you’ve made that step, I believe you will instinctively know where you want to go. As you start going down the path you’ve laid out for yourself, you will only begin to gather up momentum.
Now, it becomes a question of figuring out where you are stuck. It can be any area of your life, from relationships, money, career etc. Once you’ve identified where your freedom has been limited, begin to tune in and pay close attention to your thought process. What do you tell yourself inside your mind that has you terrorized and locked in like a horse enslaved by a piece of string?
Is it worth believing?