Archive for Relationships & Love
In response to the post “Tantra Soul-Gazing: Creating Instant Intimate Connections“, Anonymous wrote:
“I had an experience soul gazing with a younger man, but it was not intentionally. When he gazed in my eyes and I gazed back, I saw a reflecting light and electricity that made me afraid, so I removed immediately my eye contact with him. Since I haven’t ever experienced it or heard about it, I researched and I found this tantra eye gazing.
I just want to ask, why is it there is a light? what is happening? Did he also see the light when we gazed in each others eyes? just curious. “
The soul-gazing experience can often take people on a journey that moves them beyond their normal everyday perceptions. What we perceive varies from one individual to the next, so a number of different things can happen. Some participants notice color changes or their partner’s face beings to morph into that of an older or younger individual. People who aren’t normally clairvoyant may begin to open up to greater perceptual abilities. At times, soul-gazing can provide us with valuable information about past or present lives. At other times, it allows us to perceive the colors of the aura, which is manifested as a colorful or colorless sphere of light surrounding the body. This might explain the light that you saw emitted from this young man. Some auras shine brighter than others, which is why we can be immediately attracted to one person, like a moth to a flame or completely repelled by another.
The Celts believed that the eyes are the “windows of the soul” which connects us to our “Anam Cara”, meaning, “friend of the soul.” However, in many cultures it is considered rude to look directly in someone’s eyes, let alone hold a lingering gaze. For now, setting aside cultural influence, what you need to understand is that soul-gazing or eye-gazing establishes a deep energetic connection with another human being, temporarily dissolving our illusion of separateness. It bypasses our intellect and the ego personality, exposing the true nature of our being, which is why some people feel a little bit vulnerable at first. However, once they let go of trying to control the feeling and surrender to the moment,soul-gazing can open you up to experiencing the most loving and profound spiritual connections, that take us far beyond mundane life. It is through this union that we can begin to understand the sacredness and interconnectedness of all things in this universe.
Every soul-gazing experience is individual and shared at the same time. Some people say that what we perceive is just a projection of our own psyche onto another person. Whether it is or isn’t, the question is, was your life enhanced in some way from this experience? You ask if this young man also saw this light…It just depends on whether he wanted to see it.
I hope this has answered your question and thank you for sharing in your experience.
P.S. To my readers, if you have had similar experiences, please share them too!
Do you ever notice how people who don’t have a clear direction and purpose in life latch on for dear life to those who do? Albert Einstein says, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
There is a friend of mine, who literally starts leaning into me when we are walking side-by-side. To avoid falling over, I have to speed up my pace and lead the way. She is totally unconscious of this behavior and what it tells me is that she ties herself to people, not her goals. In fact, the other day I did a little experiment. We made plans to go out to eat at a local restaurant, a few blocks away from our place of work. Knowing perfectly well that she could have easily made it on her own, I decided that I would give her the opportunity to lead the way. As we strolled along side each other, we engaged in conversation, but I did however notice that she was taking us in the opposite direction, farther and farther away from our destination. We ended up walking around in circles, until it dawned on her that she had lost her way.
And now, take this scenario and apply it to intimate relationships. Two people’s eyes meet. They are filled with a fuzzy warm feeling inside. They haven’t even negotiated the boundaries and direction of the relationship. Yet, what keeps them together is the tireless pursuit of recreating that initial positive experience. Their lover triggers a chemical response in them that temporarily fulfills an emotional need. It’s kind of like the relationship that a junkie has to heroine. The initial high is always the best and from that point on, their entire lives become centered on reliving that primary experience. So many relationships are founded on this addiction mentality. There is no movement, no growth. There are no goals and the stagnant waters of love grow polluted over time. It is like waltzing on one spot, until even that slows to a halt and the only thing left to do is separate.
Suppose your partner does have a goal that he/she wants to explore polyamorous relationships. Suppose you’re not sure of what you want. You accept his/her decision to be with other partners, but you’re not convinced this is the life for you. Yet, you choose to passively follow along, because “He who holds the strongest frame, controls that environment”, says Steve P (White Tiger Tantra). In other words, the one who’s goal is set, leads the way, if the other chooses to follow. If that person has become a source to feed your emotional addictions you may go wherever they go, no matter where they take you. As long as they can trigger that warm and fuzzy feeling inside you once in a while. This to me is called emotional and spiritual starvation. It’s someone who chooses to live off crumbs, because they are too incompetent or lazy to turn their attention away from what is happening on the “outside” and start digging for the nourishing abundance, that lies within.
There are many people who settle for what doesn’t make them happy, because they lack a sense of abundance in their lives. You might think, well if I had more money, success and love, I would feel abundant. And that’s where you’re wrong. It’s the other way around. You will have more money, success and love, IF and only IF you feel abundant. So, how does one go about feeling abundant, especially within the boundaries of a relationship? First, I believe it requires that you break the emotional addiction behavior that causes you to constantly “extract happiness” from the other person. It means, working on yourself, by purifying and grounding your energies. I talk about grounding energies in the Tantric Energy Balancing Exercise, because when we are not anchored within ourselves, through our root chakra, we are like free-floating bubbles, vulnerable to being popped with the lightest of pressure. When our root chakra is balanced, we are centered, grounded, energetic, but most importantly, we can manifest a sense of abundance.
Abundance is an energy that I’ve discovered can be generated through the power of imagination. If you have the energy of a slug in a puddle, you can use sexual energy, as described in the White Tiger Tantra Heart Meditation, to charge up and launch a new wave of thought patterns. You may start by visualizing or imagining all the things that you are grateful for in your life, until you create a feeling. The feeling of abundance. It may be almost imperceptible at first and that is because you’ve trained yourself for so long to feel bad, that you body and your emotions are pretty much now on auto-pilot. So breaking the habit of negativity may seem like it’s a tedious task, but hey isn’t it better than always depending on the outside world to provide your emotional needs for you? To me, that’s being a slave to circumstances, because at any moment in time, your source of emotional satisfaction can be taken away from you and then what are you left with?Actually, you are left with everything. You just don’t recognize it yet.
If you are having a hard time generating the “feeling” of abundance. A quick route would be to practice mantras. Mantras are energy-based sounds that stimulate the chakras of our bodies. In Hindu philosophy, the names of deities can also be called upon and each one has a different role. Lakshmi, is the Goddess of wealth and abundance, both material and spiritual. The word ‘Lakshmi’ comes from the Sanskrit word Laksme, which means “goal.” Lakshmi, therefore, represents the goal of life, which includes material and spiritual abundance. Her mantra is “Om Maha Lakshmiyei Swaha”. She is also represented by the seed mantra “Shreem”, which by repeating it can give you a better ability to manifest reality. So choose your thoughts carefully. And know that you have successfully created abundance, when you feel you have so much, with so little.
“Shifting your life from the pursuit of happiness to an expression of joyfulness is what needs to happen if relationships have to really work, on all levels”-Sadhguru
Back in the 80′s, the Hare Krishnas devised a plan on how they could influence more people to give them donations. Wearing ill-fitted robes, beads and bells, while chanting in unison and begging for funds, seemed to alienate most people. The average American considered the Krishnas fairly weird and were reluctant when it came to supporting them. So the Krishnas devised a plan that would make it very difficult for any person to refuse a donation request.
The new strategy still included solicitation of the public at airports or train stations, however the only difference was that before the donation was requested, the passersby would be given a “gift”, such as a book or a flower. The oblivious targets would under no circumstances be allowed to return the gifts, which basically aimed to fill them with a feeling obligation to return the favor in kind, by offering them a donation. Nowadays, people have mastered the ability to dodge unrequested offerings.
Reciprocity & Friendship
“Sure, I’ll help you move!”, says flakey friend….which is immediately followed by “Hey, by the way, can I borrow your car for the weekend?”
Do you feel obliged to reciprocate? If you do, you might have a “Friend with stipulations”. They are those, who have lost the art of giving, because it was superseded with their greed of take. They are “takers” disguised as givers. True friends don’t have to keep score of what they do for one or another.
A real giver will emit a different vibe…
When they offer you something, it fills their hearts with joy knowing that your needs are met and that is sufficient for them. They aren’t competing with you to match what they ask of you, in value, with what you ask of them. Their generosity can be felt wholeheartedly. You don’t have to second guess what will be the price of asking them for help, because you know that they would go out of their way to give you the shirts off their backs, when they might potentially freeze. And because their love and generosity is undivided, you can’t help but reciprocate, not because you HAVE to, but because you WANT to.
“I don’t give more than I take, nor do I take more than I need.” -Steve P., White Tiger Tantra